Milestones

June 19th is a pretty important day... at least in my opinion.

10 years ago today, Lennon's dad and I went on our first date...  <3  That's a great memory and a pretty big milestone.  We found each other at an unexpected time and built a life together.

June 19, 2016 is the day that Jacob (the first CARS2 kiddo) lost his battle to mitochondrial disease.  Lennon's journey was just beginning as Jacob's 10 years were ending.  10 years sounds like an amazing milestone for us to strive for with Lennon.  Hopefully it is just a starting point.


Last week we had our follow-up appointments with the specialists in Wichita in addition to checking the g-tube.  At both of the major appointments, we were faced with the question "When is enough enough?"  (Or something along those lines)

I was caught off guard.  I was not ready for that question.  I think indignant is a good word for it.

I found myself thinking, "how dare she ask me that?"  He's fighting, he's improving, he hasn't ever had an event that wasn't brought on by an infection... he hasn't had pneumonia... finding every reason in the world why we shouldn't be having this conversation.  But I think we all know that tomorrow could be our last day.  How many milestones do we have left?

Most people didn't realize that when we took our spring break trip, we were worried that it would be the last time our Texas family could see Lennon.  We didn't know how many more opportunities we would have... and when April came, that sense of mortality became even more prominent.  April was really scary.

Anyway, since last week's appointments, dad and I have been trying to deal with the big questions for what happens after.  How are we going to prepare for the days, weeks, months, and years after our sweet boy is no longer with us?  It suuuuucccckkkkssss to think about life insurance, funeral arrangements, coping.  It seems like an impossible task.  I have read about Maria's journey after Jacob, so I know that I'll get through it, but I also know that it won't be easy.

So on this June 19th, I celebrate the 10 years I've had with my love; and I celebrate the 10 years that Jacob had with his family.  I wish I could have met him...