It's so strange to think that Lennon has now been gone longer than he was healthy. We got 11 months of "normal" with him. That vision was shattered on Valentine's Day 2017. I remember his rag-doll body before they got him on the flight to Wichita. I remember wondering if we would be bringing our boy home.
Over the next two years, there were many times that I wondered if this would be the last flight, the last PICU stay, and then it came. We weren't ready. We couldn't possibly have been ready, but we handled the day with such grace. I look back on May 30, 2019 with so many conflicting emotions. It was beautiful and heartbreaking... I was so proud of my family, especially of my little man.
I've spent months looking back at my last picture with him... no more intubation, no more EEGs, just the regular monitors, and that damn DNR bracelet. He was so handsome, even at the end. We had given him one last bath, fixed his curls, and put him in his birthday outfit. "I've Got This," his shirt said. To make it even more beautiful, he had that grip on my shirt.
Little Buddy, since you've been gone, we've raised money to help other families fighting big battles. Lennon's Legacy Foundation has been able to offer our support to three so far. We are working on getting our flyers out and hope to plan more fundraisers once this COVID mess calms down. You are still changing lives.
We miss you every day. We still find evidence of you in the house when we don't expect it... socks, paperwork, stains from your meds and feeds. We think of you whenever the WiFi isn't working or when the trash can gets knocked over. We replay the sound of your laugh and share "remember when Lennon" stories. You are loved.
You are loved.
You are missed.
You are remembered.
You are the person who helped me become my best self.
"I want to hold you for the longest time..."
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